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Stan # 1: Consumer questionnaire - McDonnell Douglas Aircraft Space Systems Missiles July 1997

I have received the following 'lifestyle' questionnaire from Mavis the Mathemetician of Leeds (England): 

MCDONNELL DOUGLAS AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES 
 
Important! Important! 
 
Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase. 
 
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below.  Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires. 
 
1. Mr. _ Mrs. _ Ms. _ Miss _ Lt. _ Gen. _ Comrade _ Classified _ Other _ 
 
First Name____________________Initial____ 

Last Name____________________________ 
 
Latitude______________________________ 

Longitude_____________________________ 
 
Altitude_______________________________ 

Password, Code Name, Etc._______________ 
 
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase? 
 
F-14 Tomcat _ F-15 Eagle _ F-16 Falcon _ F-19A _ Stealth _ Classified 

 
3. Date of purchase:  Month___________Day___________Year____________ 
 
4. Serial Number_________________________ 
 
5. Please check where this product was purchased: 
 
Received as Gift/Aid Package _ 
Catalog Showroom _ 
Sleazy Arms Broker _ 
Mail Order _ 
Discount Store _ 
Government Surplus _ 
Classified _ 

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product 
you have just purchased: 
 
Heard loud noise, looked up _ 
Store Display _ 
Espionage _ 
Recommended by friend/relative/ally _ 
Political lobbying by Manufacturer _ 
Was attacked by one _ 
 
7.  Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your 
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product: 
 
Style/Appearance _ 
Kickback/Bribe _ 
Recommended by salesperson _ 
Speed/Maneuverability _ 
Comfort/Convenience _ 
McDonnell Douglas Reputation _ 
Advanced Weapons Systems _ 
Price/Value _ 
Back-Room Politics _ 
Negative experience opposing one in combat _ 
 
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used: 
 
North America _ 
Central/South America _ 
Aircraft Carrier _ 
Europe _ 
Middle East _ 
Africa _ 
Asia/Far East _ 
Misc. Third-World Countries _ 
Classified _ 
 
9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to 
purchase in the near future: 
 
Product                 Own     Intend to purchase 
Color TV VCR 
ICBM 
Killer Satellite 
CD Player 
Air-to-Air Missiles 
Space Shuttle 
Home Computer 
Nuclear Weapon 

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?  Check all 
that apply: 
 
Communist/Socialist _ 
Terrorist _ 
Crazed (Islamic) _ 
Crazed (Other) _ 
Neutral _ 
Democratic _ 
Dictatorship _ 
Corrupt (Latin American) _ 
Corrupt (Other) _ 
Primitive/Tribal _ 
 
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product? 
 
Cash _ 
Suitcases of Cocaine _ 
Oil Revenues _ 
Deficit Spending _ 
Personal Check _ 
Credit Card _ 
Ransom Money _ 
Traveler's Check _ 
 
12. Occupation            You     Your Spouse 
 
Homemaker 
Sales/Marketing 
Advertising Representative 
Revolutionary 
Clerical 
Mercenary 
Tyrant 
Middle Management 
Eccentric Billionaire 
Defense Minister/General 
Retired 
Student 
 
13. To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate 
the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy 
participating on a regular basis: 
 
Activity/Interest                You     Your Spouse 
Golf 
Boating/Sailing 
Sabotage 
Running/Jogging 
Propaganda/Disinformation 
Destabilizing/Overthrow 
Default on Loans 
Gardening 
Crafts 
Black Market/Smuggling 
Collectibles/Collections 
Watching Sports on TV 
Wines 
Interrogation/Torture 
Household Pets 
Crushing Rebellions 
Espionage/Reconnaissance 
Fashion Clothing 
Border Disputes 
Mutually Assured Destruction 
Newspaper Research 
 
Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help {Humourless Company} serve you better in the future -- as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. 
 
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?  Please write to: 
 
McDonnell Douglas Corporation 
Marketing Department 
Military Aerospace Division 
P.O. Box 800 
St. Louis, MO 55500

Check in again at my desk soon!
stan@adweb.co.uk

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