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Work in the media? Struggle with statistics? Stan's irreverent (and often irrelevant) review of the latest media reports, news and gossip may not help at all... Stan the Statistician

Stan # 34: The fun of travelling April 2000

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item, if he wants it.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want because it's on sale.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find that man.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and don't expect to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man can forget his past mistakes, there's no reason for two people to keep track of the same things.

A woman marries a man expecting him to change, and he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting her not to change and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

The fun of travelling....

You will understand the word in the title by the end of the conversation. Read aloud for best results (and some semblance of comprehension)...


Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking 'funny' for a while after reading this. This was nominated for best email of 1999, though I don't know who the judges are or if it won it. Who cares?

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.

Room Service (RS): Morny. Ruin sorbees

Guest (G): Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service

RS: Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??

G: Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs

RS: Ow July den?

G: What??

RS: Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?

G: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.

RS: Ow July dee baychem...crease?

G: Crisp will be fine.

RS: Hokay. An San tos?

G: What?

RS: San tos. July San tos?

G: I don't think so

RS: No? Judo one toes??

G: I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means.

RS: Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?

G: English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.

RS: We bother?

G: No..just put the bother on the side.

RS: Wad?

G: I mean butter...just put it on the side.

RS: Copy?

G: Sorry?

RS: Copy...tea...mill?

G: Yes. Coffee please, and that's all.

RS: One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye?

G: Whatever you say

RS: Tendjewberrymud

G: You're welcome

Check in again at my desk soon!

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