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Work in the media? Struggle with statistics? Stan's irreverent (and often irrelevant) review of the latest media reports, news and gossip may not help at all... Stan the Statistician

Stan # 47: Your Daily Moment Of Zen 1 June 2001

Knowing how stressed many of my readers are, I thought a few thoughts would help to calm you: I have called them: YOUR DAILY MOMENT OF ZEN. They were submitted by Joan from Maine, USA. Joan lives a zillion miles from anywhere so why she needs Zen, I do not know. She is a very laid back lady.

  1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

  2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tyre.

  3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

  4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

  5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

  6. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

  7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

  8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

  9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

  10. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

  11. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

  12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

  13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

  14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

  15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

  16. Don't squat with your spurs on.

  17. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

  18. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.

  19. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

  20. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

  21. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

  22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

  23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

  24. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

  25. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  26. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

  27. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

  28. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

  29. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

  30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Check in again at my desk soon!
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