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Stan # 49: Life in the Sixteenth Century
(This actually happened or so I’m told) On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the quarters in her room. "I'll be right back and we'll go to eat," she told her husband and she carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.
As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was big ... very big ... an intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: These two are going to rob me. Her next thought was: Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen. But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her. She stood and stared at the two men. She felt anxious, flustered, ashamed. She hoped they didn't read her mind, but knew they surely did; her hesitation about joining them on the elevator was all too obvious. Her face was flushed. She couldn't just stand there, so with a mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other foot and was in the elevator. Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear increased! The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her. My God, she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed! Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore.
Then ... one of the men said, "Hit the floor." Instinct told her: Do what they tell you. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator carpet. A shower of coins rained down on her. Take my money and spare me, she prayed. More seconds passed. She
heard one of the men say politely, "Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what
floor you're going to, we'll push the button." The one who said it had a
little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a
belly laugh. She lifted her head and looked up at the two men. They reached
down to help her up. Confused, she struggled to her feet. "When I told my man here to hit the floor," said the average sized one, "I meant that heshould hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am." He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing. She thought: My God, what a
spectacle I've made of myself. She was too humiliated to speak. She wanted
to blurt out an apology, but words failed her. How do you apologize to two
perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though they were going to
rob you? She didn't know what to say. The three of them gathered up the
strewn quarters and refilled her bucket. When the elevator arrived at her
floor they insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little
unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the
corridor. At her door they bid her a good evening. As she slipped into her
room she could hear them roaring with laughter while they walked back to
The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband. & Michael Jordan.
Why is it that ...
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it is sexual harassment, when a woman talks dirty to a man, it is £1.50p per minute?
Life in the Sixteenth Century - that is, the 1500's
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May
and were still smelling pretty good by June. However, they were starting to
smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the B.O.
Baths equaled a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had
the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men,
then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then
the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the
saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water".
Houses had thatched roofs. Thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the pets ... dogs, cats and other small animals, mice, rats, bugs lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs".
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a
real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. So, they found if they made beds with big posts and hung a sheet over the top, it addressed that problem. Hence those beautiful big 4 poster beds with canopies.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence
the saying "dirt poor". The wealthy had slate floors which would get slippery in the winter when wet. So they spread thresh on the floor to
help keep their footing. As the winter wore on they kept adding more thresh
until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed at the entry way, hence a "threshhold".
They cooked in the kitchen in a big kettle that always hung over the fire.
Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They mostly ate
vegetables and didn't get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner
leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the
next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been in there for a
month. Hence the rhyme: "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas
porridge in the pot nine days old".
Sometimes they could obtain pork and would feel really special when that
happened. When company came over, they would bring out some bacon and hang
it to show it off. It was a sign of wealth and that a man "could really
bring home the bacon". They would cut off a little to share with guests
and would all sit around and "chew the fat".
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content
caused some of the lead to leak onto the food. This happened most often
with tomatoes, so they stopped eating tomatoes... for 400 years.
Most people didn't have pewter plates, but had trenchers - a piece of wood
with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Trenchers were never washed and a
lot of times worms got into the wood. After eating off wormy trencher,
they would get "trench mouth".
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the
loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the "upper
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake".
England is old and small, and they started running out of places to bury
people. So, they would dig up coffins and would take their bones to a house and re-use the grave. In reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on their wrist and lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night to listen for the bell. Hence "on thegraveyard shift", they would know that someone was "saved by the bell" or he was a "dead ringer".