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Work in the media? Struggle with statistics? Stan's irreverent (and often irrelevant) review of the latest media reports, news and gossip may not help at all... Stan the Statistician

Stan # 54: Junior Doctors 15 November 2001

It is claimed that these are all genuine notes from junior doctors. Reading them, it does seem likely which is very worrying. Good health to all my readers.

  1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
  2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
  3. On the second day the knee was better, on the third day it disappeared.
  4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
  5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
  6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
  7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  8. Patient refused autopsy.
  9. The patient has no previous history of suicide.
  10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
  11. Patients’ medical history has been remarkedly insignificant with only a 40lb weight gain in the past 3 days.
  12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
  13. She is numb from the toes down.
  14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
  15. The skin was moist and dry.
  16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
  17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
  18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
  19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
  20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physiotherapy.
  21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
  22. The lab tests indicated abnormal lover function.
  23. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
  24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
  25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
  26. Examination of the genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
  27. Patient was seen in consultation with Dr Blank.
  28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
  29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

As the 2002 is approaching and will be the last palindromic year for the next 110 years, a reader to the Times (London, England) was amazed that the Government has no plan to commemorate this milestone.

He suggests that a symmetrical structure to be dedicated to housing a festival to celebrate this event. A domeshape would be ideal and the palindromic 00 00 prime meridian would be the perfect setting. I wonder if he could be more specific.......

The Sun has a delicious tabloid yarn about a Norwich radio DJ whose idle on-air speculation about the number of beans in a can, was taken seriously by listeners. They jammed the switchboard for days with their research findings. Somerfield's own-label beans came top of the popular poll, with 642 beans in a 420kg tin. Bottom was the Co-op, with just 382 - but theirs were the cheapest, at just 11p. I find it worrying that there are so many sad souls out there in Norwich.

The Mirror (London, England) has the excellent idea of comparing Britain's clapped-out railways with those of India. It charts the daily commuting of Manjit Singh from Faridabad, 30 miles south of Delhi, into the capital. His annual rail pass costs £19.30, and in three years he has been late for work only twice.

Check in again at my desk soon!

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