Work in the media? Struggle with statistics? Stan's irreverent (and often irrelevant) review of the latest media reports, news and gossip may not help at all...
Stan # 58: Good in bed?
- You're at a party and you see an attractive man. You go over to him and say: "I'm very good in bed."
This is Direct Marketing.
- You're at a party with a group of friends and you see an attractive man.One of your friends goes over to him and says:
"That girl over there is very good in bed." This is Publicity.
- You're at a party and you see an attractive man. You ask for his mobile number. The next day you call him and say:
"I'm very good in bed." This is Telemarketing.
- You're at a party and you see an attractive man. You recognise him. You go over to him, refresh his memory and say:
"Do you remember how good I am in bed?" This is Customer Relationship Management.
- You're at a party and you see an attractive man. You get up, smooth your dress, go over and serve him a drink.
You pick up his wallet for him when he drops it. You offer him a cigarette and say: "I'm very good in bed."
This is Public Relations.
- You're at a party and you see an attractive man. He comes over to you and says: "I've heard you're really good in bed."
This is Branding, the reputation of the name.
Some thoughts for the day:
- Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
- Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
- Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
- Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
- Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
- Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
- If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a watergun and shoot other people in the eyes.
- If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
- If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
- If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
- If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- Never buy a car you can't push.
- Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
- Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
- Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.
- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- You are what you eat. So stay away from the jerk chicken.
- Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school -- you'll be working for them in the future.