Work in the media? Struggle with statistics? Stan's irreverent (and often irrelevant) review of the latest media reports, news and gossip may not help at all...
Stan # 63: Only in Britain…
The top five love search sites were:
- Ann Summers
- Valentine's Day
More people searched for Viagra then Valentines Day in Valentine's week.
"The task of re-drafting newspaper laws is about as attractive as removing landmines on the basis of a hunch." - Anon.
Great truths about life, that little children have learned:
- No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
- When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
- Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
- You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
- Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
- Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
- You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
- The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to
the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can
buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to
Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the
drive and put our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain... do we buy hot dogs in packs of ten and buns in packs
Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then
have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the
fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling
101 people since 1999 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys
pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control
in 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the