I know that my brief is to focus on statistics, but I can't
resist occasionally dipping into the world of words. One of
my avid readers sent me this list of the top 50 oxymorons.
Worth savouring I thought.
50. Act naturally
49. Found missing
48. Resident alien
47. Advanced BASIC
46. Genuine imitation
45. Airline Food
44. Good grief
43. Same difference
42. Almost exactly
41. Government organisation
40. Sanitary landfill
39. Alone together
38. Legally drunk
37. Silent scream
36. American fashion
35. Living dead
34. Small crowd
33. Business ethics
32. Soft rock
31. Butt Head
30. Military Intelligence
29. Software documentation
28. New York culture
27. New classic
26. Sweet sorrow
25. Childproof
24. "Now, then ..."
23. Synthetic natural gas
22. Christian Scientists
21. Passive aggression
20. Taped live
19. Clearly misunderstood
18. Peace force
17. Extinct Life
16. Temporary tax increase
15. Computer jock
14. Plastic glasses
13. Terribly pleased
12. Computer security
11. Political science
10. Tight slacks
9. Definite maybe
8. Pretty ugly
7. Twelve-ounce pound cake
6. Diet ice cream
5. Rap music
4. Working vacation
3. Exact estimate
2. Religious tolerance
And the Number one top Oxymoron
1. Microsoft Works
There is an old joke about Hugh Grant and his nocturnal
visit to Divine Brown, the black 'working girl'. I love all
these euphemisms. Bill Gates couldn't understand why Hugh
would want to visit such a lady when (at the time) he had
Liz Hurley, so he cruised up and down Sunset Boulavard until
he located Ms Brown. He explained who he was and and asked
if she would spend the night with him for $5,000. She agreed.
In the morning, an exhausted Bill Gates says that he now
understands why she is called Divine Brown and she replies
that she now understands why his company is called
Microsoft.
On Virgin Trains in England, the 'train manager' announces
before each stop that, "passengers should take all their
personal belongings with them". Is he suggesting that
belongings that are not personal should be left behind? What
might these be? Can you have belongings that are not
personal? Maybe he is suggesting that you shouldn't take
other people's belongings with you which seems fair enough.
He also says, "the doors will not open until the train has
come to a complete stop". What is the difference between a
stop and a complete stop? Is the train then moving when it
has stopped until it has completely stopped?
One correspondent, a keen lover or words, has suggested a
collective noun for accountants - a 'grab'. Certain
professions do seem to have a poor reputation though one
does not acquire a reputation without some effort. As
Charles Dickens said, "the purpose of the legal profession
is to make money for itself".
